things are pretty rocky with my home life. i dont know what to do anymore. im losing patience with the everyday drama and im completely over being nice about the shit. i dont want to deal with it anymore. its unnecessary. i have to renew the lease on my apartment this month. i really need to sit back and think about it because im debating on if i want to move again or not. too many people know where im at and it eventually gonna get to the psycho bitch herself. i have to deal with the drama enough thru my phone i dont need the shit at home too. i dont know if i'll beable to afford it on my own tho. so much weight on my shoulders its not even funnie. its times like this that i wish i had someone that i trusted that i could just sit back and talk to. between shannon and samantha they've been the best but i feel bad for always talkin their ears off with my drama filled life. kinda like rob said the other night? do we just end all this shit already? what do you think? no comment please - im sure your not even taking that statement for what its meant to be....
i was talking to nicci today - we went to lunch @ pizza hut. we were walking around the store tho waiting for ryan to get back from the bank and started talkin bout some shit. she was saying this and that bout ashleigh and blah blah blah. i dont want to hear about ashleigh. i miss her. i miss those kids, and to constantly put it in my face that she wont have anything to do with me i dont appreciate. she made the comment awhile back that ive lost both my "best friends" because of a guy. only i didnt lose them they walked outta my life. i was never like hey i have to chose and i chose him. they just stopped coming around. nicci says its cuz she doesnt feel welcomed? what the fuck ever, maybe if she didnt talk so much shit about him to the point that he now hates her she would feel welcomed. its like i found someone that i appreciate and that appreciates me and cares for me and loves me beyond explaining and now everyone looks at him like hes robbie treating me like a piece of shit or something. tell me one thing that hes ever done wrong to me. what was the comment made today? what does he do for you? he does anything in the world for me. he keeps me company, he cares for me, he helps me with the bills, hes given me more good times out than i can count, and most of all he believes in me. of all the guys i been thru with or without broken hearts hes my one. im krazy for him. i wish people could just look at us and see that we're happy and see that we have an awesum relationship - but instead they look at us and look down on me and think of him as an asshole. explain that one to me? i dont understand it. it was ashleigh that i spent countless nights on the phone with talking to her about how much i liked him adn listening to her tell me to just go for it, that i needed someone to make me happy and it was nicci that sat in the car next to me and told me no matter what she would be behind me 110% and she would be happy for me....now six months later i dont even have either of their friendships because i chose to date him and stay with him thru thick and thin.
thanks guys - that one just made me cry.
new note....im thinking if i stay at this apartment im start school now that im almost thru with financial aid and get a year in just so i have my basics in line and when my lease is up move to TN. ive wanted to live there since i was like 14 or maybe younger. i want a new start. i want to get away from all the drama here. i just want to be happy without everyone around me dragging me down. i was talkin to my mom about it and she says im krazy but she'll allow it as long as shes allowed to visit anytime she wants. she made me laugh and cry at the same time. i love her to death. oh and her other stipulation was that i had to at least finish college down there if i do move. i dont think she thinks im serious but i am. its so beautiful there, n let me tell ya if greg can survive there im positive that i can. heh.
i feel like crap. i think im catching whatever is going around work. i keep burning up but the second i put on a tank top im freezing. i cant get comfortable. im sleepy too. i think thats what im bout to do. lay down and try to sleep. yet im sure the second i fall asleep rob will be callin to tell me hes home...i really need to get that boy a key, LoL. i'll have to remember that.